Open the eyes to the subconscious mind and don’t be afraid of the black and blue that lurks in the mind.

Lying in my new apartment with a certain type of post drink blur – what am I doing, I should just get a career wear the stifling clothes and start walking the walk.

I raise my consciousness and allow my mind to come alive stirring with images that are driving this sudden lack of confidence. I feel discomfort in my spleen and allow it.

to fall away and be present without restriction, and simply listen to what it needs to say ‘what do you need to tell me.’

In the void of mind that speaks so clearly in meditation practice it speaks ‘you don’t want to be held responsible for your own happiness.’

OK.

What I have learnt is to never take these messages as if they are some sort of life sentence. They are simply just another avenue to feel into yourself – this well is endless and it is ever present. But, if you do choose to stop and listen, you will be invited to have tea with your fears, talk to them, walk with them and come to agreement whether they should stay or go. It really can be that kind of productive relationship.

‘You don’t want to be held responsible for your own happiness’ simultaneously, memories flow of moments where I have pinned my happiness onto externalnalities; why isn’t he making me happy, this job will always keep my unsatisfied, this city just doesn’t feed my soul, the energy isn’t right in this house. In this moment in my conversation with the dis-ease my spleen tells me it is having to hold, I realise that their is a comfort in believing you’re not responsible for you happiness. It is so much more easier to put it out there, let it be externalised and let the world swing you on it’s desired rhythm.

But.

I know that this must be an old belief that my spleen so kindly is letting me know remnants are creating friction in what I want to achieve now – living a socially just, sustainable and spiritually fulfilling life. I have moved to a city to live a better life, I have planted my veggie patio garden, I have joined in arms with people around social wellness.

So.

I finish by asking myself, I accept, I acknowledge, I forgive, I move forward. Then this runs deeper into the rabbit hole, revealing memories, instances and beliefs that caused me to ‘not want to be responsible for myself’. This meditation practice allows you to follow the cause and effect of your beliefs, find the root and work with it, further than you could imagine. Self control in stopping your mind is important to give you the chance to create action, rather than get stuck in your ‘story’.

Listen to your body, have tea with your organs and ask them what they need to tell you.

Now I’m ready to take on the day with awareness that my subconscious  has been wired to think ‘I am not confident to create my own path,’ and that’s OK. It just shows I have to love myself and set some smaller goals to help build confidence on my way.

Enjoy listening to what your organs are trying to tell you.

10000canoes

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